Growing Up Is Painful

Any pyschotherapist will tell you that in order to heal and move forward in life you must first be honest with yourself about where you are in your life currently, good and bad. Having an unrealistic view of your life in any of its aspects will only inhibit growth. For this reason, I think our country has benefitted from the Professor Gates/Sergeant Crowley incident, as painful as it was for all those involved. The event, and especially the dialgoue that ensued, helped cure us of the delusion that America is a postracial country now. We have come a great distance, but we’re not there yet, and thinking that we are will only hold us back. We have to confront our true reality as a nation.

Part of confronting our reality as a nation is confronting, on an individual basis, the associations that we instantly draw when we see persons of color. For me, the Gates incident served as a reminder to be ever mindful of my own prejudices and how those prejudices affect my attitudes, opinions and behaviors. And if we’re going to have an honest conversation about the Gates incident, then I think that we have to openly admit openly that here in America when many whites see a black man they, consciously or not, associate anger and violence with him. When Gates reacted angrily and “disorderly” toward the police officers, it just confirmed what some would already think about him in the first place just because he’s black. Then some political pundits seized on President Obama’s statement that the police acted “stupidly,” making him out to be equally as angry – playing the mental tape, “Finally, the eloquent mask has fallen and we can see the “real” Obama – the angry, hateful black man.”

Of course, the fact that the President of the United States is black adds an even deeper dimension to this conversation. We’re not just talking about race, but power.

After President Obama’s statements Glenn Beck accused him of being racist and having a deep-seated hatred toward whites (did he forget that Obama’s mom is white??), and Rush Limbaugh made allusions about Obama being “undocumented” and made disgraceful “Oreo” jokes. At the same time, the “Birther” conspiracy theorists were having their hayday, energized by many Republican leaders as very few of them would actually denounce the silly theory. And prior to that, in reference to the Sonia Sotomayor confirmation hearings, Pat Buchanan blasted filth through the air waves with his hatred for affirmative action and assertion that white males are the newly oppressed group.

These guys are angry and resentful, and probably fearful, too, of the rearranged power structure in our country. White men have always had a monopoly on power in this country, and in an effort to repossess the old structure, these talking heads are attempting to delegitimize President Obama, his representation of minority-acquired power in general, and any other minority who has risen ranks (like Sotomayor to the Supreme Court).

What’s happened in our country since November 2008 is truly an historic shake-up of the status quo. We should not be surprised of all the ranting and raving, nor should we fear it. I actually believe it’s a sign of progress. Our nation is confronting its reality, and it can no more avoid these growing pains than any one of us can avoid pain if we are to become fully mature, whole human beings.

Eric Cantor on survival of the fittest, or at least the privileged

After the 2008 elections, my Congressman, Rep. Eric Cantor(R), ascended to prominence as the minority whip in the House of Representatives and as the self-appointed savior of the Republican Party in Virginia. He works tirelessly to turn back the purple tide in our state. His character is a curious amalgam of southern charm and fiery assertiveness that make for a strong spokesperson; and, amidst all the Republican sex scandals of late, he has a cleanliness that’s quite refreshing. Even though I hold a vastly different world view than Rep. Cantor, I was actually interested in hearing some original thought from him, something that would make him more than an apple-polisher for the Party. However, his recent commentary on health care reform, Health Care Shakeup Will Make Things Worse, put to rest those curiosities.

The article drew concern from others, too, as scrupulous readers were quick to write in their reactions to our local paper. One such Letter to the Editor accused Cantor of being blinded by ideology. Another letter criticized him for showing little thought on this issue, and still another cited the hundreds of thousands of dollars in campaign contributions from the insurance and pharmaceutical industries to Cantor.

I decided the best way to get a more complete view of Cantor’s position on health care would be to look at his voting record. I looked at two sites: Project Vote Smart and Govtrack.us.
Here’s a sampling of what I found:
- Voted against the Children’s Health Insurance Program (CHIP) Reauthorization in 2007 and 2009.
- Voted against extending Medicare in 2008
- Voted against the Medicare Prescription Drug Price Negotiation Act in 2007
- Voted against Mental Health Parity in 2008
- Voted against the S. Miner Act to establish improved mandatory standards to protect miners in 2008
- Voted against legislation to establish safety and health standards regarding worker exposure to combustible dust in 2008

At the heart of his voting record – and his article – is his ideology that government should not have a role in making health care more accessible. And this is the fundamental difference between democratic and republican ideologies. For most democrats, the fact that upwards of 50 million Americans do not have health coverage is a moral problem for which the government has a responsibility in correcting – healthcare is a right, not a privilege. If you hear a republican acknowledge the moral aspects of the problem, it’s usually directed (though covertly) at the private sector, the faith-based, non-profits and non-governmental organizations – this is their moral problem to deal with, not the government’s.

Rep. Cantor’s article is full of the rhetoric that republicans throw out about wanting to change the system, complete with bullet points of their platform. But at the end of the day what Republicans will fight for is to remove all government responsibility from the issue. (And I have to add, that this line of thinking comes almost solely out of the mouths of well-to-do men). Cantor is finally honest about this in the last sentence of his article: “But turning to government instead of empowering doctors and patients is not the way to accomplish our goals.”

One final note – Republicans have been screaming about the federal deficit and how the country just can’t afford the kind of health care reform that President Obama seeks. In light of this, I find it interesting that last week 176 out of 182 voting Republicans voted AGAINST legislation to reinstitute “PAY-GO” – the policy that’s been proven to help balance the budget by dictating that for every new dollar spent (including tax cuts) there must be a dollar saved elsewhere. At any rate, if Republicans don’t want laws that provide spending discipline to Congress then that’s fine, I wish they would just please shut up about the federal deficit being the reason why they don’t support health care reform!

A Mommy Moment

My five year old girl, Maya, ADORES her father. From the moment he walks out the door in the morning she anxiously awaits his return. When he does, her love for him radiates from her eyes all the way down to her feet that carry her as fast as they can to greet him. She even imitates his moves, speech, facial expressions, and dress. The other day in Stride Rite she instantly picked out a pair of black loafers, exclaiming, “These are the ones I want; then I can go to work with Daddy!”. Oh my! So, do I sometimes feel neglected, undervalued in all this daddy-worship? Afterall, I did exit my career to devote myself to her; and who doesn’t want to feel like the most important person to someone else??

Last night, though, something happened; a very small something, but something nonetheless, that makes it all worthwhile. I went to bed in our guestroom because I have a nasty cold right now – you know, the kind that keeps you tossing and turning all night. I was in the middle of a quite vivid dream of my friends Brice and Nora. Brice was setting up his musical equipment to play a gig, inspecting a battered and torn amplifier; Nora was sitting at the smoke-filled bar voicing her insights about someone or something. Then one of my toss and turns yanked me from my dream (and such a pity it was since I was just about to get a drink at the bar with Nora!). I opened my eyes to find my little Maya next to me.

I am always awe-struck when I watch her sleep. Maya is on the petite side of the growth chart for a girl her age, but when she’s awake her personality more than makes up for her size. Think of her as the color red – fiery hot, passionate, uncontainable in some regards. I forget just how small and vulnerable she is…until I see her sleep. In a state of half consciousness, I admire the outline of her bare back and shoulders (just like her dad, she always sleeps shirtless), her Caribbean braided hair strewn over the pillow. I breathe in her peacefulness and stillness. This was enough to fill my heart with love. But then she stirred, and I, with delight, asked her what she was doing in this bed. Why was she not in our regular bed with Daddy (she sleeps with us most nights). She said in her sleepy, matter-of-fact tone, “I just missed you Mommy,”. That was it. I felt like someone pumped my heart with warm mushiness and it was oozing out everywhere.

I awoke this morning, like every morning, to the cry of my one year old girl, Marley. I threw my legs over the side of the bed and looked over my shoulder at Maya who still slept quietly. As the day goes on there will undoubtedly be moments when I feel like strangling her, when I wish to God I was back in the office, but then I’ll hear her sweet, gentle words, “I just missed you Mommy”.

Moving on…finally

Jesus said to his disciples, “Suppose one of you has a friend, and you go to him at midnight and say to him, `Friend, lend me three loaves of bread; for a friend of mine has arrived, and I have nothing to set before him.’ And he answers from within, `Do not bother me; the door has already been locked, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot get up and give you anything.’ I tell you, even though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, at least because of his persistence he will get up and give him whatever he needs. “So I say to you, Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened,” (Luke 11:5-10).

This was yesterday’s Gospel lesson from the Episcopal Church – an apropos passage given that yesterday was also the day the Church honored the great liberators Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Amelia Bloomer, Sojourner Truth, and Harriet Tubman. You see, the essence of this scripture is about the value of persistence, and these freedom fighters understood that what they were fighting for would not be obtained quickly or quietly. They toiled and sacrificed because the call for justice was written in their hearts. They knew that to ignore it would be to deny a part of themselves and to deny the world of the truth and light it so desperately needed. And so it was that these women fought and fought in small ways and big, paving the way toward dignity for every woman and person of color.

I am very fortunate to know personally a few saints like these women – people who work day in and day out to usher in a more equal, just and compassionate society. It is quite ironic that one of these individuals, my priest, was called into our Bishop’s office yesterday – the day we paid tribute to those mighty freedom fighters. He was mad about the blog she created to highlight the goings-on of the Episcopal Church’s General Convention meeting that just ended this past weekend. Evidently, she said some things that irked him.

A little background: General Convention is the triennial policy-making meeting of the Episcopal Church (TEC). It’s news to no one that for several years now TEC has been in upheaval over GLBT issues. During the last General Convention three years ago, the church passed a policy that essentially acted as a moratorium on ordaining openly gay and lesbian persons. TEC was afraid of schism, it wanted to slow down; conservatives were spittin’ angry, some dioceses had pulled out of TEC already and others were threatening to do the same. This is a big deal because TEC really likes its unity – it honors its relationship with the global Anglican Communion and cherishes the collective unity of the dioceses within the United States that make up TEC. When members start pulling out, the church fears it’s like pulling a thread that will cause the whole Communion to unravel. (Needless to say, money and politics are involved as well, but that’s for another conversation).

So, to try to make a long story short – dioceses, parishes, clergy and laity have all been in deep conversations over the past several years about the full inclusion of gay and lesbian people into the episcopacy and about same sex union blessings. Many (myself included) have come to the conclusion that the argument the conservatives use about preserving the sacred Communion is a subterfuge. The REAL issue is that they do not believe, despite the Canons of the church that it should not discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation, that gays and lesbians should be fully included in the Church. They do not see inclusion as an issue of liberation and justice. If they did see it this way they would know that to deny full inclusion is to deny the TRUE unity of the church. More and more people are finding it impossible to use the Bible to justify discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation, in the same way that people eventually realized they could no longer use the Bible to justify slavery and racial discrimination.

And so it was that last week the Episcopal Church, in the second week of General Convention, made a monumental leap toward recognizing the dignity, the Godliness, and the call to service in ALL people when it passed legislation opening up the episcopacy to gays and lesbians, essentially lifting the 2003 moratorium, as well as when it passed legislation calling for the collection and development of liturgical resources for same sex blessing ceremonies. It was a true call for liberation, a step toward authentic wholeness.

So, what does my priest have to do with all this? Why is the Bishop angry at her? Well, our Bishop voted against the legislation to allow full inclusion in the episcopacy. I’ve been told by people who have had face to face conversations with him about these issues, that his vote did NOT reflect his heart but that he is afraid of continued schism. My priest boldly challenged his position on her blog, but despite her respectful tone, still got into trouble for it.

And so the ages-old fight against oppression continues. Fortunately, the Episcopal Church is full of truth seekers and freedom fighters, like my priest, who have the call of justice written on their hearts, who can no better ignore that call to fight for justice than they can ignore the impulse to breathe. The Episcopal Church is gracefully moving forward and my Bishop and anyone else who is afraid for whatever reason should get on the right side of history or step aside.

Taxes, Debt or Not – We still have a lot to be thankful for

Yesterday, as some Americans protested taxes, Afghan women protested a resurgence of oppression. A new law was passed by both houses of Parliament and signed by President Hamid Karzai that makes it illegal for a Shiite woman to resist her husband’s sexual advances, requires a husband’s permission for a woman to work outside the home or go to school, and makes it illegal for a woman to refuse to “make herself up” or “dress up” if that is what her husband wants.

These women, ranging in number from 100-300 (depending on the news source), faced a crowd of counterprotesters nearly three times its own size and endured being hit with stones – just a tad reminiscent of Biblical times – and being called “whores” and “slaves to Christians.”

So, while I admit that I do worry about the financial burden that my two little girls may have to bear when they are grown (which perhaps could have been avoided years ago if Bush had reformed banking regulations when warned), I am at least totally confident in the preservation of their basic human rights. We do have a lot to be thankful for in the United States.

REAL Problems

Anyone who is breathing will probably agree that life is challenging; as Woody Allen famously said, “Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.”   Anyone who is married, or who has ever been married or in a committed relationship will agree that those relationships require hard work to remain vibrant.  Anyone who is a parent will agree that that can be one of the most painful yet rewarding experiences of all. 

We navigate through each sphere of life with as much courage and strength as we can muster; we fall, we stand back up; we learn, we grow, we change course from time to time.  As a mom, I find it particularly difficult to know where to draw the line between protecting my children and totally insulating them, keeping them secure inside a cozy bubble apart from the world.  I have two girls and am painfully aware of the many real  dangers in the world that threaten their well-being.

So, the question arises, with life being full of so many real problems we must confront, so many actual issues we must address to make life better for all, why is so much energy spent fighting perceived problems?  I, for one, just don’t have enough time, energy, or will for it.   

The National Organization for Marriage, on the other hand, is comprised of people who have dedicated themselves to fighting such a problem – same sex marriage.  This is a perceived problem, which fortunately, is being perceived by fewer and fewer individuals each day.  The idea that there is some liberal conspiracy to foist a gay agenda on the wider public is simply losing water. A long time ago, it was believed the earth was flat;  that dinosaurs were make believe; that blacks were sub-human.  One day, we’ll add to that list of ludicrous beliefs that gays are not equal to straights.  

Watch the latest fear mongering propaganda put out by the National Organization for Marriage, followed by a video of 20 OUTstanding gay Virginians who simply want to live their lives as best as they can, just like the rest of us. 

Now, for the 20 Outstanding Virginians video, go to http://www.designmanifesto.com/equalityvirginia/

Don’t Open That Can of Worms!!!

 “I’m afraid we’re opening a can of worms that, in regards to public policy, may not be in the best interest of our society,”  cautions Del. Todd Gilbert .  And to what issue is his concern directed?    What subject causes Virginia’s state legislators to recoil so quickly?  The issue:  making it unlawful for public employees (such as school teachers) to be discriminated against in the workplace because of their sexual orientation.  Currently, there is no law that prohibits employment discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation;  meaning,  a person could lose his or her job simply because he/she is gay, or perceived to be gay. 

Virginia is resistant to change for sure.   After all, we are home to Massive Resistance, that period during the mid-1950’s when Virginia would cut state funding for public schools that wanted to integrate.  Politicians were not solely to blame for the pathetically slow integration process in Virginia.  They were following the lead of the majority of the white public in the Old Dominion who would prefer private schools or distant suburban schools to allowing their kids to get educated alongside black children. 

While racial disparities certainly still exist – in the school system as well as others – Virginia has moved at least to an ideological place where those disparities should be eliminated, though solutions are far from clear.  The issue of workplace discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation is uniquely different from racial integration in that Virginia’s state legislators are operating alone in their bigotry.   Across the country and in Virginia the general public believes that gay people should be treated fairly and, with the exception of the right to marry (unfortunately), have the same rights as straight people. 

A nonpartisan study conducted in 2008 by Fabrizio McLaughlin & Associates and The Schapiro Group revealed that Virginians overwhelmingly support making workplace discrimination unlawful.  Here is an excerpt from the survey summary:

Virginia voters consistently show overwhelmingly strong support for protection

against anti-gay workplace discrimination, especially when it comes to the rights

of public employees. Strong majorities support gays’ and lesbians’ right to work

for the government (90%), to be protected from workplace discrimination (87%),

and to teach in public schools (79%). Support is strong across party and

demographic lines[1].

Despite this data, Virginia’s well known anti-gay organization, The Family Foundation, referred to the legislative proposal to ban workplace discrimination based on sexual orientation “campaign fodder.”[2]   REALLY?  CAMPAIGN FODDER?? 

Michael Moore, native of Martinsville, Va, says he was forced to resign from his state job at the Virginia Museum of Natural History because he is gay, but was told he had no recourse under state law to pursue a complaint.  WHY???  Because even though our current and immediate past Democratic Governors (Kaine and Warner, respectively) signed an executive order prohibiting workplace discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation for public employees, there is no law in the books that backs up the executive order, perhaps rendering it meaningless. 

Michael Hamar from The Bilereco Project reports further:  

The [Virginia] state attorney general’s office issued a pleading Feb. 24 that says Kaine’s directive “by itself, does not provide a cause of action” in the case and Moore’s petition should be dismissed.

“Sexual orientation is not a protected classification under either state or federal law,” the pleading says. “Attempts to make sexual orientation a protected category under the Virginia Human Rights Act have been continually and consistently rejected by the General Assembly.”

Yes, that last sentence is absolutely correct.  The state legislature time and again refuses to grant non-discrimination protections to gays and lesbians.  This “can of worms” that Del. Gilbert referred to was slammed shut again during the 2009 General Assembly session when a small legislative subcommittee met to “discuss” the proposed bill.  Del. Gilbert was joined by fellow Republican delegates Cosgrove, Carrico, and Scott to kill the bill.  Cllick this link to watch the video clip of the bill’s quick demise.   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-W6utJB-TyM&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Erichmondsunlight%2Ecom%2Fbill%2F2009%2Fhb2385%2F&feature=player_embedded

So, “campaign fodder?”  I think not.  This is a real issue with unfortunate consequences, both real and perceived.   We won’t have equality in our state until everyone is able to work in a discrimination-free workplace.  I hope that by the time my children are working the policy of the Commonwealth of Virginia will be “Discrimination of any kind in prohibited!”  It’s pretty simple, actually. 

 

Sidebar:  It’s important to note that the 2009 Republican Gubernatorial candidate, former attorney general, Bob McDonnell has questioned the validity of the Governor’s executive order that protects public employees from discrimination based on sexual orientation[3].   

 

For more in-depth information on this and other GLBT issues please see www.equalityvirginia.org.

[1] http://www.equalityvirginia.org/site/DocServer/2008pollmemo.pdf?docID=1101

[2] http://hamptonroads.com/2009/01/gay-rights-group-pushes-antidiscrimination-bill

[3] http://www.oag.state.va.us/OPINIONS/2006opns/Feb06opnndx.htm

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